its my life

new yr 2007 :-)

2007-01-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

shit!!...wrote a whole blog nd it got deleated...nd dat ws smthin i had written 4m my heart.. really da core..nywys..lesse if i can rembr smthin..

it started off wid

"it amazin how sm faithful pple still check my blog whn i writ esmthin like 1ce in 10 yrs.. i myself 4get to check nd den whn i do smday ..dere it is ..few comments..cant tell how nyc it feels..:-)

nywys,,happy new yr.2007. to the enite big wide smilin wrld:-)..a clear note book ahead of me..the pen in my hand ..ready to scribble smthin .. smthin really gud to make yr book 20o7 a gud book to read... last yr .. wasted sm 8 mths thinkin bout... sorry..

dis yr i wanna big change..b gud but not so gud .. s in not so gud so dat pple make a fool outa u nd u keep hurtin urself....but if ur really amazin nd smart nd clever..nd perfect guess u don need nu yr resolutins..nu yr resolutions r 4 simple pppl elike me simlpe nd really stupid..in cases of heart.. hell m too flled wid emotions..nywys...

m confused i intend to b,,cuz its so easy ..nd i can b so true to it...hahahhahha

nthin much..till nxt tym:-)cioh,chio,coih..hey how do u spell chio,i mean cyoh..no.. cioh..right??..k..watevr"

nd yeah.. nthr thing i had written in da original write up...
how do u make frend wid sm1 u hve fought 1ce nd den 4got y u fought??.. i mean jus need to tell KK dat i ws angry wid u 1ce..tho i hardly know u.. nd guess u didnt evn realize dat i ws ..hehehehehheh..ny wys ..don know if i shud say sorry...or.. jus dat.i wanna b frends again..:-),,"

confused +stupid =pow..
nxt tym..bye..nd m gonna make sure dat i don deleat dids :-)

2006

2006-12-10T04:16:00.000-08:00

years endin.. well almost ..been quite sm year.. lotsa things hapned nd i got to know pple .. gud nd bad.. da gud who turned to nthin nd the ones who bcm smthin.. well!!.. n open blog to tell thank you to my e pals again .. :-).. (actualy i nevr seem to get bored of it... cuz it sm sort of a boost to me).
thank u anshul... almost nearin a yr since we met on line.. still da one i alwz think bout whn i feel like talkin to sm1 ..evn if its jus a hi..
thank u hemu.. cant thank u enouh 4 bein da only nice delhite around..
thank u mr.ohio... ,mr vampy.. :-).. for makin me try so hard to search 4 dat thin in my room ,,it wsa nice past time..

nd all da nice ppl me around me..thnx...

nd all the pple who turned out to be not so nice .. cnt help it. happy new yr to u guys nd hop u realize smthin nxt yr..nd if u dont.. things don matter ny wys..

to those unknown

2006-10-20T15:56:00.000-07:00

Been quite smtime since i wrote smthin.. well hardly matters whn u don hve much of visitors ..nywys..
smtimes i guess jus da fact dat sm1 cares 4 u matters a lot.. evn whn it cms 4 a prson whom u hvnt seen or spoken to ...m too stupid nd nice for da wrld.... a case of wrong time nd wrong place .. guess m too outdated ..but well hve to live ...i survive..hve to smile .. i laugh..its pretty easy .. to not b wat u r.. aftr all.. da wrldz full of hipocrites.. nywyws...to all da pple i'll nevr meet ...i like u guys a lot..u r really d support which i hve alwz seeked.. n dat 2 at da right time whn i struggle to cope up wid lyf.. alwz d unknown 1 who listens to me ..makes me feel imp .n den makes me laugh ROTFLYAO:)... THANK YOU...
letsee whn i write nxt ...

don know wat !!

2006-08-02T02:08:00.000-07:00

someitmes things jus hapen n nothin goes right .. how does it feel to b really happy ? pple nevr undrstand wat others feel ,,dey act so goddamn indifferent to wat evr u feel n hell day don evn realize it ..

its rainin

2006-07-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

finally .. it rainin in delhi ... m so happy .. aftr those heat n sweat.. its actually rainin ... hail da monsoon ... hope it remains like dis .. atleast 4 da next few days ..cud do wid sm relief 4m da heat .
n den i feel like deleatin da blog where i gave a 50-50 chance to france to get into da last 16 .. dey actually made it to da finals .. btu den dey lost in da finals ..hardly maters .. just two wrds .. goodbye zizou .. u r a god ..
i hope to see brazil in da finals next time .. n den i want portugal agst dem :-) ple told me i m stupd to suport portugal of all teams .. but den .. da only reason i suport portugal is bcuz of cristiano ronald ;-D... n figo (n he retired ,..saaad),n maniche myb , n valante my b .. ;-D :-D
ok watevr ..m a loyal portugal fan n will remain .. .... but den i supporty brazil also .. . aarrrghhh !!@#
why is it dat smtimes things change ??? stupid qsn .. yeah .. i keep on askin da same qsn... grow up pow !..
4 better or worse .. change is da most constant thing .. pple leave n sm1 else comes n den whn u feel da prsons gona stay 4 good . dey leave .. n all of a sudden da prson wh left u in da beginnin .. cms back .. .confusin .. evn m confused ...

Dear Husband

2006-06-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

wats common ... b/w- k.k , sunanda ,n aditi ..(xcpt 4 da fact dat dey hvnt met each othr ..or hve dey ) watevr! hardly matter as long s da compositn goes right .. right .. well
da common thing is dat dey had tagged me few hundred yrs ago as to my ideal partner .. sort of husband ..ok more precisely.. my husband ..nice topic to ponder upon ... think pow think .. do u hve da nerve to add anothr problem to ur already troubled life
i guess so .. may b .. ok fine "da answr cms yes " may b a few yrs 4m now on i wld want sm1 as my life partner who wld ... dere comes da traits of my ideal prson .. love me !!????
confused as alwz but da trouble more den da writing is .. whom do i tag aftr dis ... m suppose to tag atleast few ple who smtime peep thru my blogs .. but not many ple do so .. so all who hve not been tagged gets tagged .
now for da body of this blog "my dear husand"
is is bad to xpct smthin or to dream or to want 4 sm1 prfect ??? i gues no .. so here goes

dear hubby

1)i wld love it if we met b4 marriage .. (ok dat ws a funny way to start ...considerin dat we don live in da dark ages )but den a small time courtship wld b really fine .

2)i wld really like u to be a bit on da goodlookin side .. of course i cant xpct a greek god ( i know dats being really rude .). but den as i sad is is bad to dream ?

3)i dont know who i m .. to b precise m a really unknown prson .... (ok... u don hve to show ur teeth at dat .. i know dat ws a stupid way to write ) ..
i m yet to discover myself .. so i guess dear ,u will hve to try real hard to understand a prson who dsnt know herslf .. (why m i da way i m.. hell)

4)m not much of a speaker ... but den i wld want u to do da talkin .. (xtreme senseless n xtreme bookish talks xcluded )u know just enough to have a gud time without me wantin to yawn .. i guess dat wld include humour n wit n philosophical talks ..

5)i like chivalrous men .. i guess dat xplains evrythin ????

6) dear hubby .. since we r lke sort of family .. ull hve to earn .. right ??? of course dat wld b stupid if i sit idle ... ill earn too ..

7) baki milne ke baaad bataungi ...

meri pyare unknown husband ... i know u wont b readin dis .. but if u r ... don contact me .. i hope to fine sm1 bettr den u .....(cm on i told u .. is it bad to dream ??)

football fever

2006-06-20T03:57:00.000-07:00

yes its at its peak .. i ws crazy abort it 4m b4 . but den now i just got a temperature of 280 decg c ...
ny wys .. evry body seem t b talkin n writin abot it .. u know da game or not .. i thought ild b a bit dif n not say any thin but den checkin on vku z rcent blog .. reminded me of how bad france is plaing .. hell wonder wats up wid dem .. dey seem to hve 4gotten how to play . a goalless draw .n den a goal just to award korea an equiliser .. zizhou being replace .. maaan i ws hurt when dey left da last wrld cup early. but den i definately xpected smthing new 4m dem .. nyways ... dey hve a 50 50 chance to go into da last 16 .. letsee
not dat i xpct much 4m dem . nywys ..
n i really hve to say .. cristiano ronaldo z so cute ..
n kaka scored da first goal 4 brazil dis world cup .. i love him(ok dem ??) so very much .. he hehe he ..football craze of a diff kind .. yups ???

na ja abhi

2006-06-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

so so .. m saaad again ... helll its happennin again .. what u ask
well sm 1 hurt me again ... hey guys don worry m actually smiling ;-);-)in fact m so so goddamn happy .. (ok soory 4 dat un parliamentary language ) ... had to write it .. sad in da sense dat been stupid again .. i wrote da previous blog .. i read it again 2 day n felt .. hey i write so well .. gheee..m quite sm writer .. by da way .. why is da world da way da world is
sad qsn .. sm pple r so big time kiddish .. dey hurt n don evn realize dat dey hve n u cant evn tell dem .. all u can do is remain as if ur not hurt givin dat fake smile n giggles .. hopin dat whn dey grow up dey might understand n hope dat da time comes soon..
n i saw '50 first date' aj... maaan its suuuch a cute movie ..adam sandler n drew barrymore make da cutest pair 2gethr .. i saw the wedding singer n fell in love wid it ... dat ws long ago ..

n cant remember da lyrics of mehfooz .. euphorias nw album ... i love dat song .. very meaning ful n really apt 4 me !!!?ok fine i can write "ab na ja"

ankhe band kar lu jo mein
dekhu baas tumhe
khwabo mein hi keh sakta hun
apna tumhe
rehne de mera yeh weham pe he yakeen
na ja abhi
pyar ki yeh rat hai
ab na ja
choti si ek bat hai
ab naja

tumhi se hai meri ninde
na bhi ho to kya
tumhi se hai meri baatein
na bhi ho tho kya
kehne de taro ko kahani ankahi na ja abhi
pyar ki yeh raat hai ab na ja
choti si ek baat hai
ab na ja
pal do pal ka sath hai
ab na ja
jadoo si yeh raat hai
ab na ja

ahkho mein pyar ki boondein
bikhre se kai sawal
ankho mein kitne mausam
pal mein bhi the kitne saal
rehne de jaha bhi le jaye zindagi
naja abhi
pyar ki yeh raat hai
ab na ja
chaoti si ek baat hai
ab na ja

BECAUSE

2006-05-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

m writin dis blog because i know he wont be readin dis . n i hve a feelin its gonna be really really long .... how things change . once in ur life u r so close to a person n den all of a sudden he goes out of ur life ..jus like dat . how u wish der ws reason 4 it ..
mayb i m a bit immature .. to understand life n pple .dere r so many stupid problems in my life of which sm don evn exist n aftr dat i hve to add another one .
he ws really close to me . i think its da other way round .... i ws realy close to him .. things wld go haywire durin da day ... evn den at da end of da day he ws da only prson who cud make me smile . i consider my time spent wid him da best time .. i wld wait 4 da moment wn i cud go up to him n start off any conversations .. cuz aftr evrythin else i used to hve a nice time .... a pleasent one talkin abot nothin but all da crappy thing dat wld make u 4get sane thing 4 a moment ... precsely ur problems .. i wld 4get mine 4 da moment n den i wld begin afresh my time .. to face da problems .. wid a smiling face ..thanks to him ..
my dear diary .. its still filled wid dose small happy n childish comments of those days .. dey r fond memories ... wldnt want to 4get cuz its alwz nice to remember happy times .a small thankyou 4 makin me smile evrytime ..
things has to change .. i don know why .. but dey do change .. da problem here is dat dis relation changed too .. whose fault ... i think its mine .. i started expectin too much from him .. when i look back i see dat it ws alwz me who wld go 4wrd to make ,my presence felt ,alwz me ... to call him up , to ask to give me company , to make a conversation ,... TO MAKE ME HAPPY !!???
Yeah yeah i made him a habit .. n strangely whn dat habit leaves it pains .. ok why he left ..???? no actually i let him go (no jokes about it .. but den he ws nevr mine 4 me to lethin go .. right na ??)i must hve been crazy to evn think dat sm1 wld be alwz dere 4 me .. ok lets put it dis way .. i must hve been crazy to think dat a guy wld be alwz dere 4 me .. no matter how hard i tried , it ws alwz me who had to take da first step towards makin any developments ( sounds too business like???) ok .. 2wrds makin any attemps to talk or evn call .. he wld nevr come up .. n den it made me think .. is dis relation worth maintainin ??? no matter how much i tried i cud nevr feel da same feelin of importence i gave to him . ws he indifferent to my presence . n den i realized dat its right .. cm on da prson does not evn care 4 ur presence ... it doesnt matter to him whether m dere or not .... so WHERE DOES IT LEAVE ME ?? finally i made up my mind tolet things go .. how hard can u try to maintain a relation if no effort comes from da other prson ?
i tell it to evry 1 cuz its 1 thin i like whn one of my bloved senior told me " if u r givin 100% to a relationship u can at least expect an 80% ".. if not den how can u jus drag it on ur own .. it is bound to collapse .. n it did .. i realized it finally dat i ws gettin not evn da least 4m him .. dats wat i only wanted .. da least ...
n den u ask me why he stayed wid u all dose times whn he used to stay wid u ??? i will answr "well ..evn i don know :-) but i m happy 4 those times .. n i dont regret . dey r sm plesant memories which i will alwz keep .."
i sudnt 4 get to say thanku ...u were gr8 da way u were .. it ws jus me dat startd to think dat i cud hve sm1 who wld alwz be dere 4 me no matter what .. NO MATTER WHAT..
whn evr i see him dese days i smile .. at myself .. hez happy n i do care 4 him..

so long

2006-05-11T01:36:00.000-07:00

long time ... since i blogged ... can say m not n avid blogger .. but right now yeah i feel like tellin da wrld wat m felin ..
da wrld... cuz da entire wrld cms to know wat u feel thr blogs ....cmin back sm pple r really strang ...n u really hve to tax ur brains to know how da prson is.4 1ce u r frendly wid dem n dey reciprocate ... but den da nxt moment dey act so starnge ,, asif dey don evn know u ..
yeah dats 1 topic .. n den da nxt thing which i m really confused about ... E pals ... hmmmm wat do u consider dem ???? r dey really dere 4 u ???? or is it dat dey r jus a way of distractin urself 4m ur normal daily usual mundane lyf ,...n da same ple ??? guess so ... cuz u can alwz switc off ur com whn evr u don wanna see dem :-). or don wanna talk to dem ..
i hve nevr been a very dot com prson .. i hardly hve any knowledge about coms .. smtimes i hve difficulty switchin on da com system... my roomiez i.e ( dats why i don really lay my hand on it .. i m really scared of twisting wires n panals )all i really know is .. how to check my yahoo n orkut account ... + sm google ... dats da reason why i gues i smtimes think i m really really backwrd n any1 whoz dere as ur e pal r nvr to b trusted cuz dey r really 4wrd .. very very stupid n vry vry kiddish . i kno but den ..
gues i m happy jus writng wid pen on paper ,, ( no connetion of e pals n coms n my writin of course ) 2 b really precise , m ... what ???? ( i m smilin as i write cuz i cant think of anything ) ok im stupid .. ( i really hve to give my divine smile :-)... )
smtimes ple stop talkin to u so suddenly u keep thinkin wats wrong wid him /her 4 dat mattr ... n dats da same prson who jus 2 days ago had shared his entire history wid u ... another of wrlds mystery u can nvr understand ..ya ya ... da wrld n its people .. reminds me of my geography book in my 6th stand ... da wrld n its pple ... wow ..
so dats wat i can think or right now .. guess i can go in 4 hibernation 4 another month .:-) ..
well VKU.... da rums a really nice place
HEMU if u r readin dis .. missin u on line
ANSHUL if U r readin dis ... been a long time i told u about my evry day lyf
SUNANDA if ur readin dis ....m still to write dat blog 4 u .. i know u
tagged me long time back .. but den cant help it will surely write it
n KK if ur readin dis ... ur a really gud frend of mine ...1 of dose
special pple i hve met on line who i m lucky to know :-)
da only spcl frends i hve made on line ( xcpt 4 vku .. my pretty roomie of course )n dis smll line 4 u guys ..
we part to meet
meet to part
dats da way 4m da very start
few dat u meet on da way
can bcm really spcl sm day
i felt da urge to tell u dis
dat may u get wat u wish
cuz i met u along my living days
n u brought me SMILES alwz
thnx 4 being where u were
sheding out all ur care
i raise a toast 4 my frends unseen
thankin dem 4 being where day hve been ..:-)

n dat ways i really shud thank mr orkut.. dats how i met u guys !!n vku 4 makin orkut familiar to me ...

dat man ...... he really is a .........

2006-04-01T03:20:00.000-08:00

sm pple r so goddamn yuk ... u dont know how to go abot it ... hell !!

2006-03-27T05:20:00.000-08:00

m feelin so not myself today ... generally whn i say tis i m happy... 2day . m sad .. jus not feelin myself .. all da feelings dat i really live up to didnt take over me .. i ws not compassionate to pple , tried my hand in all dose stuffs which i wld generally hve hated .. ws associatin wid da pple whom 1 wld call bad ..n i m confused .. its so ittitatin .. i feel myself deviating .. hell ,,... n i m deviating .. lord ./. ystrday 1 of my very respected seniors said u r not busy enough , n u r loosin ur focus , n seriously ,, i fell like it today !!..
help me god... i m deviating .. miss--------- 4 gods sake ... bring back u !!

da story

2006-03-23T22:55:00.000-08:00

hes a fren of mine -
a very freaked out prson . livin life as if no tomorrow . lives 4 da day , does evry thin dat supposedly makes him happy ... uncountable frens . who r equally freaked out ...do evry thin 2gethr prty or myb evry crazy thin in da wrld
but smhow at da end of da day .. u get a prson who feels lonely .. is lonely ; da troubles which he 4gets 4 da moment whn he partys like crazy cms back to haunt him n den he feels miserable .. he goes out n partys again ... he 4gets his problems .. but den whn he is by himself . he feels lonely cuz he has noone to connect to ..
problems might be hard to xplain .. deres no 1 in da wrld who doesnt hve problems .what evr it might b .. but da answer is solvin it ;n dats wher a frend comes ..
i don talk about my folks alwz ..dey r alwz dere thru thick n thin ;many frens of mine r an open book to deir parents ... smhow i m not !.. n i guess many pple r not too .. but dats not da question .. da whole thin is dat whn do u need a good fren ( da term good fren has alwz been used so very loosely dat u need to think another alternative .. but its da only wrd dat can describe a fren who understands .)
i hve cm to know myself ... so whn i m low i talk to myself, solve MY PROBLEMS MYSELF n den wid da 2 -3 frens i hve i try to 4get da problems ...
hes a fren of mine --u know where da problem is ??.. he tries to 4get da problem entirely ! nevr tries to solve it ... pple smtinmes tell me i m crazy cuz i stay wid myself most times but it raelly helps cuz at da end of da day U hve da probems which U hve to solve Urself . not dat i tell evry 1 to mve into their own shell but .. den a prson shud know himself ..
i once read a story ..w hich ws about a boy who goes to live in a hostel .da king pin in da hostel gets da strenght 4m his frenmates in da hostel n by da sheer strength of his mates he bullys da juniors . da boy finds it grand dat da king pin has so many frens .. but he fails to understand dat whn alone he is a goddamn scared dog n da frens he see r goddamn followers who like doin stupid stuffs 2getr !!.. he adds up as his follower ..
oneday dey all end up being rusticated 4m hostel . n coll cuz dey had beaten up a boy who had refused to listen to da king pin . whn dey r scolded by da princi dey r 2gether .. n dey find it amusin .. evn da boy finds it amusin n dey laugh ..aftr all dey had shown da pple dat dey r so strong . but later ..
he is at home ... he is alone whn he has to listen to his parents scoldings , he is alone whn he has to listen to all da jeers whn evr he goes to da mrket , he is alone whn he has to listen to da stoney wrds of his relatives ,..... n he is alone whn he has to see his mom cry .. his dad's hurt face ...no 1 of his fens or da king pin is around ..
dats why we need to choose frens not company ..
this ost is jus to remind myself dat ... no matter wat we need frens n not company .. n hvin few goood ones is better den a 100 company who r worth less

might seem like da wrds told a hundred times but .. well dats wat da truth is !!

frens

2006-03-21T22:53:00.000-08:00

it feels so special whn pple remember u .. isnt it ??yeah ... these days i don know why but .. frens hve started to mke me happy .. i hve nevr been a pple prson ..nevr attempted to make a big gang of frens or smthin .. to tell da truth i hve really stayed wid myself 17 yrs of my lyf ..
whn i remembr my past it saz dat bcuz my dad used to hve so much of transfers , i nevr had permnt frens ... but evn other wise whn i think of it now .... da classmates or kids my age were nevr my type .. or myb i nevr fitted in dem ( both ways it nevr matters). i changed 4 schools .. after my 10th .. 11th n 12th in a new coll ... still cudnt bring myself to make frens . n to tell da truth in fact .. now dat i ws in coll i nevr asked evn a company ..alwz wid myself .. n da ones i really interacted wid nevr mattered much to me .. n dey still dont ... i remember whn dey used to make me write dose memo books ... n one section wld say .. best frens .. n i wld write .."da world ."
its my 2nd yr in delhi .. though my cmin to delhi ws nevr my own option , i guess no matter wat it has a +ive point which i can nevr ignore .i m learnin n lvin lyf here .. my first yr in da campus ws so miserable .. da fact dat i nevr had frens .. n so i didnot know how to make 1 ... n da fact dat u need pple here .. need to stay in grups .. well .. i had to change myself a bit .. i nevr wanted to .. but yeah
i can say it has been fruitful .. i hvnt changed much .. i still love being wid myself .. but da only difference is dat now i hve sm frens.. hmmm 7 or 8 of dem who do sincerely care 4 me ... smthin which i nevr had all thru my 17 yrs ..
i m still learnin .. not dat i dn make mistakes in recognising pple ... i fail a lot of times .. but den at dose moments n many other moments i hve sm1 to mke me 4get da problem ... after dat .. i don feel too stressed to think it over n den solve it myself ... i still cry .. no actually shed a tear or two ... but aftr smtime .. it dries up itself ..
i can nevr make frens to take ovr my lyf .. so dat i cannot live widout dem but yeah .. i will hve dam to make me 4get my problems .. evn if 4 a few moments . n i wld want it dat way .
dese days da pple i really consider my good frens seem so much near me .. ( n i say it again .. i hpe dere is no lurkin evil eye to destroy dis small chunk of cheer dat i hve got ) but yeah .. frens r makin me hoppy .. i hve my share f problem which i hve to solve myself .. but whn i need sm1 to hve my kinda fun .. den i hve dem .

when u r hppy :-)

2006-03-20T01:42:00.000-08:00

well let me share a secret ..how does it feel to b lost ??? let me answer .... smtimes ur not crzy jus lost !! .... i m not crazy jus lost .. call it what .. u know wat ... i mght seem a bit of confused but .. well i jus wanted to type smthin .. n hence ... i m typin smthin .. it might not make any sense ..
but it is true - i m feelin lost .
heres to da sense of freedom i feel ... heres to da frenship i share :-)

2006-03-18T01:25:00.000-08:00

thinkin again !! yeah i m thinkin again .about what ? well life as usual .. but dis time i might sound +ive .. reason . right now i m very happy ( i jus hope i don catch an evil eye lurkin around ).. yesterday ws 1 of da best days of y life ... cuz went out wid sm 1 i really like :-)
many a times u feel lonely n wanti to get out of life but den ,... at da very moment u get such a boost 4m life u feel lifes not such a devil .... i guess things r gettin back to normal .. aftr watevr hapned .. i know i tend to get emotional smtimezs n den curse life i guess its smthin ingrained in me n i cannot get out of it .. i cud try :-)
whn pple leave u sm1 new is certain to cm ... it has hapned so many times i hve cm to believe it .. truly ..
which precisily mean u don hve to b close to any body n evn if u r .. n da prson seems to go away ...... leave it .. sm1 new waitin 4 ya !
has been true 4 me.. hopin da same 4 all ... evn to d prson who i m thinkin abot riht now ... da 1 who left n da one who has come

ODE TO DA RAIN

2006-03-13T22:00:00.000-08:00

... i love it whn it rains .
back home it rains 4 weeks end n u wait 4 da sun to show his face . n its alwz a long wait.at times it gets so damp n wet u start to feel uneasy .never realized it den dat i will hve to wait 4 months b4 i see da next rainfall...
i cm to delhi in july 2004 .. i never liked heat ,;combine it wid delhi's heat ,u hve hatred 4 summers ... hw i wished 4 dat familiar black clouds , den da strong blow of winds da sky gettin dark , n den da drops of water .. one, two n da shower .
da first time i saw da rain in delhi , i was so happy i cudnt stop myself from runnin into da shower ,; nevr did it back home .
its rainin today ,n i like da cool atmosphere , da drops of water thru da leaves , da tiny puddles in da campus field ... i will go out now n hve a walk in da rain . i love walkin in da rain , i love it whn da wind brushes against me ,blows thru my hair , da droplets fallin on my face , tricklin from my hair ...
evrythin is so new n fresh 2day ... evrythin looks so green 2day ,nature is da best thin god evr made . i don know how long it will last but i will enjoy da moment ... cuz i know i'll hve to wait 4 months b4 da nxt rainfall
heres to da rain .. n me

walkin in da rain
how nice i feel
a secret i tell
a secret i reveal

no ones around
to accompany me
no ones around to listen to me

jus u n me ,
da sky n da cloud
da droplets of rain
da puddles around

da wet green grass
da lively green tree
i share my secret
to set myself free.........

TIME

2006-03-12T00:43:00.000-08:00

n i hve lots of time ... to do evrythin but i m so lazy to evn think about doin anythin .yesday i had decided dat i will study but den ended up talkin da entire day ( not dat i didnt like it ..in fact i liked dat i didnt waste my time doin notin .)
n i made a blunder ...had been thinkin of checkin out a paricular site so dat i cud search 4 any internship prog 4 da summers .. since i guess jan .. n i came 2day da 12 mch.. only to see da last date 4 submissin of application 7 march .. wow .. but den know i will get ovr it cuz i any wys 4get very fast ..like da time i put out my shoe lace to dry n den whn i brought them back after it dried i 4got whr i kept dem ... so i hv a whole shoe wid no shoe lace .. phew .. small thins like dis can make life so irritatin ...
n i need a new shoe .. 1 has no lace , 2nd has its face wide open , 3rd's strap is so worn out its not worth wearin 2 any place standard ..
n da pple i care about most don seem to b carin about me ... 1 is angry .. hvnt spoken to me i don know why ... i thught he had got ovr da stupid misunderstandin we had .. hvnt seen him 4 da last 1 week .. n da other dosnt care to call me .. dont know wat hes out to prove ..i hve to make da 1st move evry time .. hell .. wont do it dis time ..

2006-03-08T23:37:00.000-08:00

well , u might not see dis but i hve really deleated my writin aroud 10 times .. cuz i write smthin n den i loose out of words .. n i m still not sure if wat i m writin right now will b successful ..
1 shud start writin da moment 1 feels like it ... dat hapends wid me many a time n i do cm out wid sm successful write up .. but well right now i cant think of any topic . i had thought of many things .. like .....see i forgot :-D :-D.but den i want to write smthin .. so letme start off wid lets say pple .. quite vague i know ..
sitin in da dark
alone in da park
huggin ur knees
starin at da dark trees

da wind blows thru ur hair
n u start thinkin
n all of a sudden
u find urself blinkin

u never realized
whn u had cried
ur tears had fallen
n had dried .

the more u think
more miserable u feel
as if a sword has cut thru
nevr to heal

pple nevr undrstand u
dey nevr do
howevr hard u try
dey alwz make u cry

shud i stop carin
for pple i love
n den decide
nevr to love

coz' no matter what
things remain da same
like it or not
dey nevr ask for u again .

lyf

2006-02-19T02:37:00.000-08:00

>i think i m in love .....funny is it not.well i think so ... what ever
heres to da unknown feelin dat i have inside me. da feelin of happiness dat i feel .. da feelin of freedom dat i feel , da sense of glow dats startin to run through me .. da smile dat keeps creepin across my face .. heres to da feelin of love
da other day 1 of my frens asked me...' how does it feel to b in love?'.. how do i know ... all my lyf i hve been unsure of evrythin . of evy little event dat has marked my lyf .. n to tell da truth evn now i m unsure ..
people might think dat i m a confused person .... yes i m .. been all my lyf( till now) n i don know about my future if i 'll remain like dis...
but what ever may be da truth ,, i like da feelin vry much .. cuz it makes me happy.. unlike da crushes which has hurt me ....

life....

2006-01-31T19:55:00.000-08:00

the other day i felt very low ..... needed sm 1 to talk to ... n strangely found no1.... so mayb da time to accept da fact u r alwz on ur own... on da path to life many a times u find moment .. both sad n happy whn u feel wish u had sm1 u feel comfy wid ,,,.. sm 1 who cld giv u a hug... an assuring 1 ..... makin sm 1 happy is no big deal .. but makin sm1 feel comfortable .. its altogether different...
daats why i guess u shud b wid urself as much as possible ..

call it what?

2006-01-07T02:23:00.000-08:00

didnt write a blog for a long time .... (no, that will be... didnt type a blog for a long time cuz i do write !)
how hard is it to forget smbody;smone u really like?

All this time i waited for u
no ,u didnt evn say goodbye
sigh, i just heaved a sigh
hopin against a dead hope
understand u might -but
lost ,it was a lost love.

such love u had given me
all now a plesant memory
memories which do hurt smtimes
all now a time dat was
rising with every pain i feel
time will heal
hopin wid time it heal .

past -its a past
one which i seem unable to let go
wish had control over this unplesant show.

laying in beid thinkin
over the love which went by
visitor it was in my life
eventualy it had to go by.

............ no, no its not my sad love story or smthin! :-) jus gettin over a crush!

he does not understand english

2005-12-21T02:24:00.000-08:00

i got a friend .... a net friend he does not understand english .... yetwe are friends ..... guess how ........ by just being fans .hahaha

wen ur alone

2005-12-19T02:26:00.000-08:00

imagine
u r sitting somewhere( o.k its a beautiful park by the lake .. its autumn,u see the trees turn an orange and brown foil) , quite..........silent,gazing at nothing in particular, what do u think about (of course that wld dpend on the preceding moments) but here u just felt like sitting there.....
and there u see a person coming ..... closer he/she comes and then u realize that the person is someone u like , u have a soft corner for .........but the person doesnt really know this .what do u speak about
the weather , last nights tv show , the match india won ,the movie u watched last night or.............. nothing ....
well behind typing all this its just a question i want to ask .... how do u start a conversation ?
not that i dont know but just felt like asking and imagining.

to know

2005-11-27T00:22:00.000-08:00

why is it so hard to know some one.. for one moment u think that u know a person so well but the next moment u receive such a setback that u keep on thinking "was i right?""why am i always wrong".
another problem ..... u dont like a person at all .. not exactly hate but u doubt a person if he is right ...........and then the next moment ........poof.........he is the best person in the entire world .its just that i failed to know him understand him.why does it happen? am i so kiddish.....so stupid ..or are people too fast for me to understand ? i always thought he was the bad boy ....... i now realize that he is so nice............... i loved him so much ......cared for him.....though never let him know ..but few days later a harsh realization .... he is not what i think he is.
yet another problem .....the person ........smokes ,drinks, does not attend classes .......... i thought it was wrong ..... he is a bad boy ...........but then what is wrong in it ? he lives his life .who am i to make an opinion of him .... he has never crossed my path .
lord! life is so confusing ....... u keep on making mistakes ..mostly regarding people. and when u realize it u feel like laughing at urself.Thats what i mostly do.
from all this just trying to say sorry to all the people whom i have misunderstood.. well actually i m saying sorry to myself .

2005-10-31T02:12:00.000-08:00

So , thats how things happen
we think .......sometimes dont
but they happen
the options wide open.
Happy and sad
joyful and glad
about something we had
or something we dont...........
something which happened
or something which didnt
sometimes an unlucky stint.
but they happen
you think or not.......
like the way I created my first blog.